I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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