I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
