I smell stomach acid.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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