He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
