I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
