so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
