lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
