dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
