So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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