He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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