Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
