I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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