when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
