The maid of honor just puked.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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