How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
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