Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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