So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Can I color on your dick again?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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