Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
