the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
