Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
