when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
