Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
