Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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