And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
