you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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