I must be too annoying 4 u.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
