that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
