And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
