His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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