sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
