Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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