i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
