I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Randomize
