So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Randomize
