So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
