I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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