I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
