idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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