Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
My hand turned me down
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
