I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
