My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
