I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
