1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
