so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
My vagina just recognized that song.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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