I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
We just shotgunned beers for America
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
