Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
