either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
