I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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