Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
