All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
you never un-have a 4some
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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