weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
