Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
