Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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