How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
