Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
