I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
