I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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