look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
