Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
